Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Randomize
