As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
