No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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