oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
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