apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
