i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
