Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
