I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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