so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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