I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Randomize
