He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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