I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Randomize
