Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
