Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
i think i just lost a toe
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Randomize