His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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