That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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