I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
