1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
