You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
