Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
