you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
