Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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