The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Someone shattered a urinal.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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