I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
