yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
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