Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
