OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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