I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
