careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
