(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
