God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
