i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
