So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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