I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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