Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
