She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You can't just leave with hair like that
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
