I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
