Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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