Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
