Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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