gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
i out mim tonsoeep
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