Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
