I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
