I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
