i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
