i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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