Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
