happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
