I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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