i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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