Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
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