I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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