sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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