:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
