I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I can text with my tongue
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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