I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
