i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
