ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
