my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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