I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
