He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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