so that wasnt chicken after all
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
