So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
