Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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