Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
