remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
