YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
