Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
