It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
