Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
