You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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